Kelly's Diner By Kelly B

kellysdiner @ 2005-04-21T17:47:00

2005-04-21T22:51:25Z

Random Randomness

I keep watching GH thinking that there will be something worth commenting on. I don’t know why I feel that way - truly nothing that I’ve seen lately has done jackshit to make me feel it. So I figured I would write about something that stood out as exemplary, even if it was moronic. Easy pickings, right?

But my life has been anything but predictable lately – too much stuff going on and not enough control over any of it. Not unlike a soap opera in that respect. Regardless, I just can’t seem to string together enough coherent thoughts about any one particular topic, so ya’ll will just have to deal with my schizophrenic railings. I’m sure some of you will wonder what the difference is anyway between that and what I usually write – the sad truth is, not much.

So for your edification, clarification, comment, hatred, and hardcore ranting pleasure – it’s Kelly-Time…

Tamara-who? That seems to be the general feeling on one of the most interesting and frequently updated GH message boards. The board’s not usually so kind to newbies in any incarnation, but it seems that Jennifer Bransford’s already got her some not-so-secret admirers. Good for her and good for Tamara Braun whose last airdate coincidentally coincided with her birthday. While the group was wishing one of them well, they seem to be welcoming her recast with more warmth than was to be expected for such a pivotal recast. I haven’t made a decision about JB’s Carly yet, but aside from those distractingly ripped arms she’d been sporting in that sleeveless dress, anyone who can walk on the set from day one and stand toe to toe with Maurice Benard and Ted King (not to mention look like she could kick the crap outta one of them!) has got my attention!

The new opening – wow, after waiting for months and months for the initial revamping of the GH opening, right down to and including the butcherization of Dave Koz’s Faces of the Heart, the counting of individual actor’s shots, the notable absence of a group female shot and the dissection of the meaning of Tony Geary’s somewhat disgusted walk away from the final shot… and now we’ve got an updated version? Whoa – wasn’t expecting that. Jennifer Bransford’s been added, in almost the identical shots and wardrobe as Tamara Braun’s Carly. Reese is in, Ned is out. Faith and Lois are out, Diego’s in. New shot of TG, new arrangement of characters leading some to question possible new couplings… it’s all – dare I say it – good.

Billy Warlock didn’t start out being one of my favorite actors/characters. But let’s face it, he wasn’t supposed to be. From day one he was the evil to Jason’s pureness. Jason was the illegitimate one, yet Monica loved him like she should have loved her biological son with Alan. Alan never held A.J.’s questionable paternity over his son’s head – no, he held it over Monica’s. But A.J. was always the fuck-up. In school, with girls, with his parents, he just didn’t get it. He was always coming up short (sorry BW, but you’re a schpunt height-wise). It played into his psyche. He manipulated, he exploited, he lied, plotted and schemed… and he was good at it. Oh, he wasn’t always a schmuck. I think he genuinely loved Nikki Langton. But after that he was always someone’s second choice, even when he came first (Keesha, Carly and Courtney). After he shellacked Jason’s brains all over that rock it was all over in terms of what he could get away with and we’ve never let him forget it. He started whining a lot then. Oh poor me, no one loves me, you all wish it had been me with my gray matter pureed, bitch, bitch, bitch.

Well you gotta hand it to BW, he took his lemons and made lemonade. Before he left this last time he mentioned in articles that his golf game had improved since he’d signed his last contract. *snicker* It seems TIIC always dangle the promise of a hot upcoming storyline to keep those guys in their places during negotiations. So he signed, and waited, and waited. They assassinated the character when they had him run off with the Q money and Lydia (WTF?). Now he’s back and having the last laugh – well almost. I’m still not sure who all is involved in this dicey little drama, but you havta admit that A.J.’s a pretty smart cookie when it comes to fucking everyone who’s ever fucked him over. He got them all – Jason, Carly, Sonny, Courtney (I guess Ric and Alexis were thrown in for good measure – whatever) even his parents who actually mourned their son when he was lying quasi-dead in the Bahamian morgue. It was pretty clever y’know, get Faith to do the dirty work, die so no one can suspect you had a hand in anything then pull a little Cassadine-esque brainwashing to get your kid back. But that’s where the plan hit a little glitch.

Y’see, A.J. forgot that he’s technically a loser. So off he’ll go to Llanview or Pine Valley or Genoa City, wherever it is that he’s headed. He’ll be in the witness protection program there and get a new identity and a whole new set of friends. Meanwhile, I’ve enjoyed A.J.’s rat finkiness and how he screwed over Sonny et al, even for just a little while. Bravo Mr. Warlock – way to go.

‘Til the next time I feel like it.

KellyB

kellysdiner @ 2005-04-08T17:02:00

2005-04-08T22:49:41Z

If you want someone to listen, just whisper.</b>

Y’know, sometimes I feel like Alexis… I mean, on Wednesday’s show she sat and spoke so quietly and calmly about her fears for her child to her new therapist that I was nodding so vehemently I probably resembled a bobble-head. Don’t get me wrong; my child isn’t in any danger from my husband’s enemies. My hubby’s an Optometrist, so that’s not an issue. And that’s not what I was empathizing with. Alexis voiced feelings that I’ve had for so long regarding Sonny, his occupation and his carte blanche for wreaking havoc on innocent people that I was hitting the arm of the sofa and saying, “yes, yes ~ yes!!” at the TV.

Maybe I heard Alexis this time because she wasn’t alternately screeching and gulping air while she fought to make her point. Let’s face it, poor Alexis has been ranting a lot lately and you can hardly blame her. You also can’t blame everyone for tuning her out. Every single one of her fears dating back to the moment she realized she was carrying Sonny’s child has materialized in one form or another. Everything she did from lying about Ned being the father, to the kidnapping, to her failed attempts to retain sole custody of Kristina has failed thus far. You can’t blame her for feeling like no one gives a rat’s ass.

I think she’s speaking (both literally & metaphorically) for a large segment of the GH watchers out there that feel like Sonny has long passed the point of no return and no one’s bothered to put on the brakes. You always hear about soaps turning loose a fabulous actor because the writers have written them into a corner. They’ve pronounced them unredeemable and therefore have to either kill them or wrap them in one of those fancy backwards-facing jackets and cart them off.

But not Sonny.

Sonny gets to do everything he wants, to anyone he wants ~ whenever he wants. Money laundering, racketeering, conspiracy, murder – oh yeah, and he imports coffee too. And we all wuv us some Sonny!

Alexis has her point that Sonny never gets caught, never has to face the consequences of his actions and yet everyone around him is in mortal danger and acts like it’s okey dokey with them. It is as if no one gives a rat’s ass. As long as Sonny is happy, well then we all should be happy damnit!

Aside from Tony Geary, who’s off the canvas more than he’s on, Maurice Benard must chap the ass right off of Guza and Pratt. I’m sorry, but he came on the scene as a two-bit lowbrow goodfella. He owned a strip club, got Karen hooked on drugs so that she wouldn’t mind her job so much and he pimped her on that stage like there was no tomorrow. Fast forward several years and he can order the wholesale killing of his heretofore unheard of rivals and he’s still a GOOD GUY? Come on people!

Sonny needs a reality check. Let Maurice Benard play the guy getting caught for a change. It’s a new dynamic for him. He doesn’t have to go all goody-goody, but let him get knocked down a few pegs and see how his character rebounds. I have a hard time finding any sympathy for a character that is so one note and that’s a shame. I really think there’s a lot more to Sonny that we haven’t seen and that doesn’t involve bang-bang shoot ‘em up and full frontal intimidation. The guy is a good father and was a pretty decent husband. He’s got dimples to die for and can charm the knickers off a nun. Maybe it’s time we hooked him up on Monster.com and found him a new line of work ~ I wouldn’t want Alexis to think we weren’t listening.

Random Randomness

So is Rachael a Sandoval? Did she take her grandmother’s maiden name as her last name a la Jason Morgan? Enquiring minds want to know!!

And in the parallel universe that exists in Port Charles, NY… Liz is not only a student nurse and a therapeutic masseuse but also can scrub in on an emergency surgery? Wow, maybe I should move there. I’ve always wanted to be a stripper slash brain surgeon.

I guess TIIC finally heard about the viewer's problem with snow blindness... I'm referring to the peroxide twins and their dueling platinum coiffures. I guess Jax must've picked up a box of "Just for Men" on his way to Metro Court the other day ~ he's decidely less Marilyn this week!

I'm glad that Emily and Elizabeth acknowledged the post-coital weirdness the other day. For a minute there I was thinking I might have dreamed that whole Lucky-sex-me-up on the couch thing. I'm still not convinced that everyone's A-OK with the situation, but really ~ what's a few more stains on that couch between friends?

Check out the TBS "Is this Funny?" commerical with the sugar daddy and his arm candy at the surreal art exhibit... look closely, the arm candy is Dr. Rachael Adair/Amy Grabow.

Yay for more John J. York on my screen! But I wish the writers would figure out a way to make him more likeable dialog-wise. All he's done lately is play the heavy with Dillon and scare the shit out of Courtney. BTW, does anyone else remember that when Jax first came on the show he and Mac were former friends? I think that Mac was the one that hid Jax's first wife Miranda after an explosion blew off half her face. I'd kind of like to see them work together for a change ~ maybe they could reopen the Outback and the denizens of PC could have a middle ground between the high-tech Euro Corsetted waitresses at Metro Court or the STD riddled barstools at Jakes.

That Quartermaine Blackmail story lasted about a millisecond~ thanks Emily!!! GRRRRR

Anyone else notice or care that it's been months since Tyler Christopher took off to work on that movie? How come other actors on the show get cock blocked when it comes to doing side work (so much so that they have been known not to re-up their contracts!) and here we are waiting around for Nik to get sprung (heehee) so he can find out that Emily was raped by his doppelganger? I'm sorry folks but that ship (and storyline) have sailed.

On a different note ~ I am really diggin' this new show Grey's Anatomy. It reminds me of the first few seasons of E.R. when George Clooney was at his most effable. Patrick Dempsey is muy humpworthy and I loved Sandra Oh in Under the Tuscan Sun and Sideways and she's fab in this too. I hope it's not too clever that it gets cancelled. Lord knows we probably need another America's Funniest Kid Knocks Dad in the Balls Video show. Just can't get me enough of that!

I crack myself up.

</b>

KellyB

kellysdiner @ 2005-04-05T23:46:00

2005-04-06T06:47:41Z

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

So basically Carly’s going to have a new face in two weeks. The only problem I have with it is that the new face very closely resembles another new face currently on the canvas. Color me bemused. Truly, this has been the only feeling I’ve had about Tamara Braun leaving the show. I had to laugh when I read a fellow columnists’ take on her departure, it sounded like he did everything but dress in sackcloth and ashes and rend his hair in despair. Resignation and acceptance are part of the soap watchers existence.

Get used to it.

People come and go, characters either work or they don’t. TIIC get castrated either for being cheap and not coughing up the bucks to keep a fan fave or for giving some titty-baby actor a mile high deal that everyone bitches about anyway. Same shit, different day.

When it was bandied about the ‘net that Jennifer Brandsford was the frontrunner for the plum job, I cha-cha’d over to www.soaptownusa.com and checked out her pic since I had no clue who the chick was. Only there was a problem… the only picture I saw was of Kari Wuhrer a.k.a. Reese Marshall – or was it? I had to double check because I really couldn’t tell the difference between the two. Then I looked again, and it reminded me vaguely of Jennifer Skye (ex- Sarah Webber) with dark hair. Still not sure I was in the right place I googled Jen B and finally found some pictures that clarified she was indeed a separate entity but I still think she looks like Reese2 so that’s what I’m going to call her from now on. Not Carly III, or NuNuCarly or FauxCarly or ImposterCarly or anything else you might have seen floating out there – just Reese2. Got it?

I do think Tamara Braun did a great job coming in as a recast. She added different layers to a character and an actress that was by all accounts irreplaceable. She made Carly her own. This has been talked to death I know. Sarah Brown was a 3-time Daytime Emmy winner, she originated the character – love her or hate her, Carly was hers to screw into the ground. Yada Yada Yada. Then when Sarah announced she was leaving, well hell – you might as well have told people there was no Santy Claus. All hell broke loose and the weeping and wailing commenced – any of this ringing a bell?

The fact of the matter is that there are very few actors as characters that are irreplaceable. To suggest that someone is irreplaceable is the ultimate compliment. In my opinion, I cannot possibly entertain the idea of anyone but Tony Geary as Luke, Maurice Benard as Sonny, Jane Elliott as Tracy or Constance Towers as Helena. But those are my examples, I’m sure you have your own. Can you picture anyone but Susan Lucci as Erica Kane? Try it for a second… it’s damn near impossible. They would kill off these characters first. And maybe they should. Besides, they’ll eventually be undead anyway- am I right?

But to be fair, we keep watching. It’s like not being able to turn away from a car accident. Morbid curiosity perhaps. Maybe we tune in to convince ourselves that those fools made the biggest mistake of their careers and we can’t wait to be a witness to the carnage that will ultimately unfold when the new actor fails dismally in the recast. Why? So that we can have the satisfaction of saying “I told you so!”? Does it matter that much?

I appreciate that there are fans of Tamara’s, just as there were for Sarah Brown, who feel that Carly isn’t Carly unless she’s being played by one of those two people. To those folks, you have my condolences, and I hope that either of your favorites ends up in places that you can follow them and their careers with your usual diligence. Knock yourself out.

Meanwhile, I’ve got things to see and people to do.

Random Randomness

I like Greg Vaughan’s haircut. I liked it long, but even he had to admit it was getting out of hand. It’s not buzzy, still has a little length and a hint of curl. Definitely some of the best hair on the show. Two thumbs up.

Sean Kanan as a possible AJ recast? I could do him, I mean that … just send him to GV’s gals at the GH Hair and Make-up department and get him a new ‘do. We can’t have competing sticky-outy hair even amongst brothers and I think Steve Burton has seniority in these matters so SK’s front end will have to be aligned.

TPTB Dumbass move of the week: Recasting Maxie – WTF? I guess they have to find out that the brick wall does indeed hurt when you bash your head into it… a second time.

I get that Corbin Bernsen’s time is limited. Even if it hasn’t actually been officially addressed, six months is six months, but why oh why do the writers insist on denigrating the dialog of what has been one of the most intelligently written short-term characters in years? I get that he’s a little off his nut, but damnit give the man more to do than constantly repeat the same three sentences over and over again. “Sonny is a criminal” “Everyone around Sonny is in mortal danger” and my personal favorite, “Don’t let Michael’s death be in vain” - come on, I keep waiting for the spittle to appear in the corners of his mouth and his eyes to roll back in his head. Enough already.

Y’know I think I liked Dillon and Georgie better before they knocked boots. All that build up for what? And where was the Adrienne Leon song we were promised? Did I blink and miss it? Oh wait, I blinked and missed GQ actually making love – my bad.

Yay for Steven growing, albeit a little late I’m afraid – a pair of stones. Too bad they weren’t in place when he hit the canvas, it might, just might have made a slight difference. Then again, probably not.

I really loved the scene with Liz, Cameron and Ric. Becky Herbst is really getting her licks in recently… that bit with the baby yanking on the neck of her T-shirt was reality. I bet she’s a really good mom ‘cuz she didn’t miss a beat or try to rearrange the prop, I mean kid, just kept on going.

Note to writers: Hardeman wants more Jason/Sam love.

Addendum to Note to Writers: Be sure that Greg Vaughan’s assets are amply displayed in any and all upcoming love scenes. We’ve got a crowd to please and it doesn’t seem that GV suffers from the same malady as Steve Burton, that being nipple anxiety. Besides that, the boy hasn’t gotten laid in two years so ‘ho him up some!! Remember, Kelly B is watching and if she ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

I crack myself up.
Kelly B